What’s Scarier than that?

October is the month of Harrowing Halloween. I let Mommy choose my costume this year and what a mistake that was! She said I was a juvenile delinquent. Daddy says that means “naughty baby”, which I do not understand because I made sure to sleep through the night real early.

Red Hot Winter

I was reading the paper upside down yesterday and there was an article about global warming. It seems highly unlikely that ovens like my Mommy’s are on long enough to pre-heat the whole world but I’m not a scientist. But if the planet WAS steaming up, then why did it snow so early this year?

Today, I went into the white powder to see what all the hype is about. Mommy and Daddy took FOREVER collecting attire from every corner of the house and putting it on me and taking it off to reach the optimal level of warmth and discomfort. My smile indicates my pleasure for the whole ordeal to be over with. It’s also the middle of my mouth melting because it is hot under all that stuff.

Once we arrived outdoors, I demanded Daddy make me my very own fat man. He thought it was his idea, which I let him because Mommy says you have to make boys feel like they are in charge even though they never are. He did a pretty good job so I made sure to drool a little extra hard in appreciation.

When Reesey Roo came to visit me for Thanksgiving I showed her the fat white man. Mommy says there isn’t as much snow where Reesey Roo is from so it took a little longer for her Daddy to be able to make her one.

It turns out it’s way less fun when there’s more of it!

Bubbie is always so worried about my health and safety.

What I’ve been up to

I’ve been a very busy girl these last few months. I am sorry I’ve neglected my duties to entertain my loyal followers but a girl of my intellect has a lot to get done in a day. I do not want any of my toys to feel bad I didn’t play with them and my Nanny Kelly won’t have anything to clean up tomorrow during my nap if I don’t drool on the ENTIRE floor. I am trying to juggle a lot of things all while having limited use of my extremities.

I am sure you are interested in my many new skills so I have provided a list to bring you up to date. Please see below.

1. I can now poop green or orange at my discretion – this is in big part to the fact that I now eat carrots, squash, green beans, peas and avocados. Mommy says she won’t give me fruit until I have demonstrated I will eat the gross stuff first. I don’t know what fruit is but squash is probably the best thing I have ever put in my mouth. Or maybe green beans. Oh but the CARROTS! I don’t discriminate really, that’s not nice.
2. I can sit up on my own – This is a valued skill being that the flatness of my head is starting to make me self-conscious around the playground. Sometimes I forget what I’m doing and fall onto my side or my face but Daddy says it is all part of learning. Sometimes he closes his eyes and slides over when he’s on the couch so I guess this skill takes a LONG time to master. I will keep practicing.
3. I can put toys in my mouth – this also applies to blankets, remote controls, Mommy’s clothes, MY clothes, utensils, sippy cups, Boogin Heads (or pacifiers as the Lay people call them), and pretty much anything else within my reach. I have yet to let Mommy give up her duties at spoon feeding me my peas but it seems to give her such joy to make that airplane sound and who am I to take that from her.
4. I can scoot – some of my baby friends are not allowed to use a walker but my Mommy and Daddy allow me to scoot around the kitchen while they do boring grownup things. I can scoot forward and reverse but unfortunately, not at my preference.
5. I am going to be 5 months old tomorrow. I would like to suggest that you google things a 6 month old is doing and you will see the advanced list of activities I occupy my time with. I need not remind you how advanced I am.

Contraptions

Sometimes I am scared of what contraption will arrive on my doorstep each day. Daddy says Mommy loves The Amazon and that’s why the man in the poop suit shows up at our door everyday.

PS – I spy with my little eye something that begins with DADDY!!!!

But, as I should have learned by now, Mommy is always right and these apparatuses afford me hours of pleasure. I have made a note in my Bullet Journal not to doubt Mommy anymore. It will be my New Year’s Revolution.

Sometimes when I wake up from a nice, refreshing nap I’ve noticed Mommy has crossed a few more tasks off her to-do list. Apparently while I am dreaming about unicorns and fairies, Mommy is busy around the house. She says she’s a very task-oriented person and likes to feel like she’s accomplished something at the end of the day. That sounds like some awful heavy grownup talk to me. I am just happy if I’ve napped at least 3 hours and relieved myself in my diaper at the end of the day. Although yesterday I touched my stuffed lion for the first time and that was pretty awesome so I may add that to my daily routine… If I can figure out how to make my arm do that again. Moving your limbs is seriously hard business.

One time I fell asleep for an extra long doze and woke up, in my room, to a camera crew packing up. I immediately got nervous and made my signature crying sound. Daddy thought I was hungry and started making a bottle but it was actually because I was naked and the last thing I need is to have naked pictures of me on the internet. I mean what would I tell my children?

It turns out Mommy was up to her nap time tricks again and there ARE pictures of me on the world wide web. I looked them over and they are very tasteful so I guess I don’t mind. That reminds me, I should pick out my own attorney and have him draft up a sample contract about nude photos. I will let you draw your own conclusions. Please keep in mind I am only 9 days old in these photographs.

It also turns out this is not the only blog that features yours truly. Click Here to see the full post with some more, might I say, adorable pictures.

Mommy has taught me that it is very important to express my gratitude when someone does something nice. There are two people that I would like to take a few minutes to thank. Erin Peters and Ashley Wilbur. This is not the kind of thank you like when someone holds a door open for Mommy while she is pushing me in my stroller or asking if Daddy needs help finding my Boogin Head which I like to suck on to keep me calm. This is a bigger kind of thank you.

These two ladies took these photos of me and did such a good job I think you should call them too and have them take some of you!

Anywho, back to napping. I was trying to figure out how it’s possible that I keep showing up in stores when I wake up. I tried asking Siri but I don’t know who the heck that is. Daddy was staring at the color and sound screen on the wall and one of the moving pictures was talking about a transportation device. I think maybe that’s what Mommy and Daddy have. I swear, I fall asleep in my carseat and I wake up in a new place! I don’t know how they do it without me knowing. Next time I will try harder to stay awake in the 4 wheel machine. But it’s SO hard. It feels like my swing but BETTER!

I look forward to our next chat. Don’t forget, you can follow my blog and send it to your friends.